A new leaf?

So I don't know what to call this new plan of mine, I don't know if its a a new leaf or just a simple resolution.     I'm going to start seeing a counselor next week and true to form I have a list started of things I want to talk about lol.  The lady making the appointment asked me what I want to be seen for...I was like umm and I started  to say about a million things and after fumbling a few words I just said stress, we'll call it stress.  SHe chuckled and I chuckled it was a very nice exchange.

I called myself type A other day and realized I didn't know excatly what it meant so I looked it up...here is what about.com had to say.

Traits of Type A Behavior
Key Characteristics:
While the term “Type A” is thrown around often, it’s not always fully known what specific characteristics make up “Type A” personality, even among experts. For example, some people, the term applies to rude and impatient people. Others see workaholics as “Type A”. Many see competitiveness as the main characteristic. According to research, the following characteristics are the hallmark characteristics of Type A Behavior (TAB):

• Time Urgency and Impatience, as demonstrated by people who, among other things, get frustrated while waiting in line, interrupt others often, walk or talk at a rapid pace, and are always painfully aware of the time and how little of it they have to spare.
• Free-Floating Hostility or Aggressiveness, which shows up as impatience, rudeness, being easily upset over small things, or ‘having a short fuse’, for example.

Additionally, Type A behavior often includes:

• Competitiveness
• Strong Achievement-Orientation
• Certain Physical Characteristics That Result From Stress and Type A Behavior Over Years

Physical Characteristics:
The following physical characteristics often accompany TAB:

• Facial Tension (Tight Lips, Clenched Jaw, Etc.)
• Tongue Clicking or Teeth Grinding
• Dark Circles Under Eyes
• Facial Sweating (On Forehead or Upper Lip)

After read this and several others that said similar things yep this is me to a flipping T.  Although I don't have facial sweating (thank the Lord on that one!)

The funny part to this is What I get in my head every time I hear Type A. At least its a good song? :)

But the new leafish part pertains to a previous post.  I think until my crazy is contained, when I'm at home I will attempt to stay out of everyone's way and in my bedroom so I do not disturb others in what they are doing, when cooking I will wait until the others are done and then proceed to wash all my dishes so no one else has to deal with this.  I already attempt to keep my clutter to a minimum but will do so more earnestly.  I will attempt to be the most invisible person in the house to keep and everyone sane. This maybe a little extreme but I feel its necessary for the moment, at least until I get my crazy straightened out.  Side note: Can you straighten crazy? lol

Sherlock Holmes

I have been watching the new Sherlock Holmes lately comments on that aside I've always felt a strange connection to that character. Finally someone else who's brain works as fast as mine who connects dots others don't see. Someone who talks as fast as I do who's thoughts are coming out of his mouth slower than he can think of them. Yet there are certain things that calm him not unlike myself. Music helps him it helps me having someone to bounce these seriously random but connecting thoughts off helps. Now I don't do the pipe or drink embalming fluid but I see why he did these things and I understand. I'm not sure I should identify with a fictional character but I do :)

I am crazy :)

2 posts in one month! Now I know I'm crazy. :)

I created this blog to write down my thoughts.  Things that are on my mind at any given point.  Sometimes the post might be reflective, occasionally informative, I might even toss in light-hearted one, but every once in a while I just need to get something off my chest.  My words are never meant to hurt anyone.

 One of the sayings I have adopted lately is "words matter".  I try to adhere to that statement more often than not, carefully choosing the words I write.  Sometimes I fail. My last post I wrote in anger and I discarded one of my own rules. I will try not to do that again.

I might be going crazy...

I know I haven't posted in awhile.  I could site school, classes and other such things as to why I haven't posted.  But the truth is after reading some of my previous posts they sounds whinny and I told myself I was going to write an upbeat post next time, no more of this depressing stuff.

I'm sorry to say this is not going to be an upbeat post...I'm angry quite frankly so I'm taking a small break from my paper writing to write this down or I won't get anything finished.

I have a friend lets call her Sally.  Sally has a husband and 2 kids, and I  love her family.  They have been great friends.  I consider her to be one of my best friends, she recently made a life style change to vegan/vegetarianism.  I applaud this, changing the way you eat isn't an easy thing to do.  I am thrilled she want to make her life and the life of her family healthier.  Yes you guessed it there is a but coming....

First though a little back story.  Sally is the friends we currently live with.  We cook together, and have tons of fun doing it.  We share recipes and ideas.  So when my husband and I got back from visiting my parents for 3 days and are told "oh by the way we're vegetarian now" I was rather shocked.  I was a little surprised and hurt she didn't ask me my thoughts on being vegetarian, see I had been mostly vegetarian for 14 years, up until the age of 22.  So when my friend didn't  ask me what I thought it hurt.   The other thing that bugged me and still does is that she doesn't seem to see that her changing her life doesn't just effect her and her family it affects my husband and I as well.  I cook meals on the weekend,was I going to continue this? Would we eat what she cooked during the week? That weekend I attempted to show my support by cooking some of my vegetarian meals.  I was angry (still am obviously) and it might have come through a little when I pretty much yelled at them to just flipping eat it and trust me that it was good. I used to make breakfast every weekend and it varied.  Everyone in the house loved my pancake/waffle recipe and I thought I'll make those no problem.  I said on a Friday night hey I'll make pancakes in the morning but I'll use whole wheat flour so it makes them healthier.  I was then informed they're going vegan as well...to be healthier and my pancakes didn't qualify as healthy.  So the recipe my Dad and I developed wasn't healthy; the flour, eggs milk, baking soda, and baking powder are unhealthy.  I was insulted and it still makes me very angry to think about it. So at that point I thought, awesome...now I can't cook/bake anything they will eat.

I was upset about this for weeks. I mean I cried many many times about it and I know they noticed something was wrong with me.  Now I do have my own issues with vegetarianism/veganism, I wasn't healthy when I ate that diet.  My muscles were weak and I was anemic, and gained so much weight it was crazy. So there was some of that in there. The main thing that bugged me was this is another change I have to adapt to.  I have already adapted to going to school again, losing my house and my car and uprooting our life, then I adapted to living with friends and not making enough money for the first time in my life to support myself, and now I have to change the way I cook and eat, and the people I consider my closest friends don't think this is going to affect my life?! It was the last straw I cried almost every day.

Now its been over a month and they're sticking to the diet and we've kinda figured out food/meals.  But now its everything is vegan.  She made pizza crust over the weekend and I heard it was vegan like 10 times.  I know its new and I'm trying to be patient but can't you just say I made pizza crust? We know you're vegan by now we get it.Why must it be vegan pizza crust?! or vegan thai chili.  The pizza crust and chili were very good but if I had heard they were vegan one more time I swear I was going to scream.  9/10 of her posts on facebook have been about eating vegan or using organic food.   What I don't think she realizes is that by saying what she does it comes off as her calling everyone else unhealthy and its insulting.  I know she doesn't mean to be and she is just saying what they're doing and what she believes   One of my biggest pet peeves is people who don't think their words/actions effect other people.

Its been a month my am I writing all this now? Because now I can write it and not be completely angry until something sets me off. :)